Genderations

By Anja Wuolu, College of Saint Benedict

she/her/hers

The Wuolus

For the purpose of this essay, I interviewed my mother, 48, and maternal grandmother, 72. I chose to interview two women because Wood’s standpoint theory suggests that those in nondominant social locations have the ability to “generate unique insights into how a society works” (Wood 49). I recognize that being a woman doesn’t guarantee a feminist standpoint, but I know for certain that men do not have a feminist standpoint based on their lived experiences. Based on my findings, women have had a huge increase in opportunities outside the house over the span of three generations, while inside the house cultural expectations of motherly and wifely duties remain the same.

I asked my interviewees about household chores for the kids and daily responsibilities for the parents. As a child, my grandma had a lot of chores because her family lived on a farm. She explained that each family would do things a little differently depending on how big the farm was, and whether it was all girls or all boys. “Some girl friends had to work hard, others not at all.” In her family, all three kids helped with the garden and mowing the lawn. Her two brothers assisted with fieldwork and milking the cows. Her jobs included helping with the baking, cooking, and cleaning. In their free time, the trio would play around outside, often with horses. “I was a tomboy,” my grandma told me. “Where did you get the idea that you were a tomboy?” I asked her. She wasn’t sure; her behavior was normal, yet she knew she was a tomboy.

My great grandparents got up early. My grandma’s mom worked inside and her dad outside. Housework included cleaning, cooking, and laundry. “Laundry was a big deal,” my grandma explained, “the laundry machine had a wringer, and then you had to hang it on a line to dry.” Outside there was a lot to do regarding animals and fieldwork. My grandma’s dad wouldn’t be done with everything until about eight o’clock at night.

My mom’s childhood took place in the country, but they didn’t live on a farm. She and her brother and sister fed the pets, cleaned, and helped their mom with supper. Sometimes her brother would help her dad outside more and didn’t have to help in the kitchen. For fun, the three kids would play together with her brother’s Legos or her and her sister’s Barbie dolls. “We played together, but the toys were always one or the other,” either boy toys or girl toys. My mom went on to explain her parents’ roles, “When I was little mom stayed home. When [my sister] started kindergarten, mom went in to work part time at school. Dad worked long hours at the gas station he owned. Mom did bookkeeping for the business. She did the gardening, all the cooking and cleaning, and raised three kids!” When my grandpa was home, he spent a lot of time tinkering outside.

When my parents were blessed with my incredibly disabled older brother, my mom forfeited her career to take care of him. My dad always worked full time to provide for the family financially while my mom did the laundry and the bulk of the cooking and childcare. I grew up in town. Growing up, I didn’t have a lot of regular chores; mostly I had to help with dishes, feeding the pets, or helping with whatever project the family decided to tackle that day. We all cleaned together. My free time went towards playing with my sister – largely consisting of creating magical worlds with toys and imagination spread out across the floor.

My brother couldn’t dress himself, so my parents put him in typical boy or gender-neutral clothes. These often became hand-me-downs, which I and then my sister wore without a problem. When my sister and I began to pick out our own clothes, I liked wearing feminine things while my sister loathed any type of skirt or dress. She refused to touch the color pink and kept her hair cut short. My parents didn’t mind however we wanted to present ourselves; my dad taught me how to tie a tie when I wanted to wear one. Padawer’s article mentions that “girls gain status by moving into “boy” space, while boys are tainted by the slightest whiff of femininity.” I believe this is largely true. While I often wear clothes men or boys might wear, I’ve almost never seen a man wearing a skirt outside of playing dress-up or a special cultural event.

I asked my interviewees if either of them had ever dressed up in masculine clothing. My mom responded, “I wore mostly gender-neutral clothing.” While she was encouraged to wear skirts or dresses, she usually didn’t. Some masculine clothing was off-limits, however. She told me on one specific occasion, she went shopping by herself and bought a new pair of hightops. She placed the shoebox on the counter and my grandma opened it, curious to see what her daughter purchased. Frowning, she informed my mom, “You brought home the wrong box.”

“No, I didn’t, these are my shoes; I just them picked out,” my mom corrected her mom.

“These are boys’ shoes,” my grandma stated. My mom had to take them back to the store because they were too masculine. There was definitely a division between “boy clothes” and “girl clothes.”

My grandma shared her experience: “In school, I had to wear skirts, but at home or on the weekends I wore slacks, pants, and jeans.” Then I asked if her brothers had ever worn skirts or feminine things and she smiled, “only on Halloween!” Another thing she mentioned was that people didn’t used to wear backpacks to school; they carried all their books in their hands. Men didn’t carry “manpurses” like they do now, but women could carry purses. This is an example of how what it means to be masculine or feminine can change over time. Apparently, it used to be feminine to carry any kind of bag. Were men supposed to be disorganized all the time?

I asked my two relatives what they wanted to be when they grew up and what they thought their parents wanted them to be. My grandma explained that at that time there were few options for women – you might be a teacher, a nurse, or a secretary – and her parents never talked to her about careers. What she wanted most of all was “to be a mother, find someone to love and respect me, and raise a family.” She and my grandpa have been married for fifty years. My mom did not want to be a mother, she admitted, “kids were not an ambition until after we were married.” Her parents never talked to her much about a career, but her dad, who was a marine at one point said, “no daughter of mine is allowed to join the marines.” My uncle, however, joined the marines. She graduated with a degree in biology and thought about one day working in laboratory or pursuing graduate school. While she was making up her mind, she worked as a receptionist while my dad went to grad school. After my brother was born, she focused her attention on the family, and eventually stopped working outside the home.

I have been asked that question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” at least once a week ever since I can remember. My dad encourages me to pursue graduate school and the only thing that my parents have forbid my sister and I from doing is joining the military. I feel I have so many options that it overwhelms me.

My grandma grew up on a farm where her mom kept house and her dad worked on the farm. My mom grew up in a household where her mom kept house, worked a little, and her dad worked outside of the house. I grew up in a home where my mom kept house, worked a little, and my dad worked outside of the house. There is a definite pattern here, and even though the opportunities for women outside the house – education, jobs, etc. – have increased significantly, if a woman is actually going to start a family, she’ll be expected to take care of the house and kids.

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Sources

Interviews, 2018

Padawer, Ruth. “What’s So Bad About a Boy Who Wants to Wear a Dress?” New York Times, 8 Aug. 2012, www.nytimes.com/2012/08/12/magazine/whats-so-bad-about-a-boy-who-wants-to-wear-a-dress.html?pagewanted=all.

Wood, J. T. (2017). Gendered lives: Communication, gender, and culture (12th ed.). Stamford,

CT: Cengage.